Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
