:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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