Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
