He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
