Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
