dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
