My nipple is on Facebook.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
