You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
