I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
