Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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