Nicole vs. Life
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
