hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
