A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
