Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
