How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize