Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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