I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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