Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
