I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
