sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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