I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
