i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
