I seem to have left my pride at pride
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
