I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
