the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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