I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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