your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This is not my ceiling
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
