$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize