I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
