Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
