they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
