i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So here I am, sexting at work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
