Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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