ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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