I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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