i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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