So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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