If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
