Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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