We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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