I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
