careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
