I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
