And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
