Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
