my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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