I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize