based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
