Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
