Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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