This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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