Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
