I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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