I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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