Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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