Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize