Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
