he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
