listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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