I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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