Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
