she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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