and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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