Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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