whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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